I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
