WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
