i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
