"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
