every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
