remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
