He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
