Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
