false alarm. still invincible.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's rum buckets o'clock
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
