She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I smell like Dick and happiness
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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