This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
