i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
