I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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