i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
