My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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