No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
