i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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