I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I am one with the molecules
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
