White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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