I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
