I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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