Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize