you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
At least life still wants to fuck me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
