Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize