you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
