Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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