i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
