I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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