would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
