Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
