a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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