he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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