so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
