Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm passing your future prison.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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