dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
