That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
