...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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