The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He better not be in your backpack
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
