your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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