I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize