So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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