I think I died a long time ago.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
