no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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