I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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