Kareoke will never be a sober sport
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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