Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
