Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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