I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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