Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
