I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
