i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
