Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize