He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
