In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't put those talents on a resume
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
