I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
