He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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