if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
