can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
