Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize