He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize