haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We need to rekindle our bromance
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
