actually, I'm a sock model
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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