i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
