Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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