Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
