last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
