Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Found your dick twin last night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
