I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize