Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
