just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
