Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Don't EVER smell your tampon
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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