i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
