Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
