chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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