If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
