How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize