My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize