Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
