she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
