she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I want to be your penis for a week.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
