Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
