Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You need a sexual gate keeper
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
