so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
